We interrupt our regularly scheduled douchebag programming to bring you a sneak peek of our sister blog, letmehit.it:
For some reason this is way hotter in sepia.
Let Me Hit It.
This submission comes to us from email:
“I’m submitting this on behalf of my best friend,
This douchebag tried to get with her for months, she finally gave in and the two started dating. She was whipped out of her mind, he literally had her on a leash. Everywhere we went, he was checking up on her, appearing out of nowhere. One night, she was drunk at my house, he picked her up and basically coerced her into giving him head in his shitty little car which was parked distinctly overlooking our school’s football feild because, “he’s an amazing lineman, and good at everything he does.” Towards the end of the relationship, the kid didnt have enough balls to break up with her, he avoided going to parties just because SHE was going to be there and told all of her friend, as well as his that they were broken up, before actually telling her. All of this happened because he wanted to persue a girl who looked like a fat pug, that he was talking to throughout their relationship and would fuck him.John Barnable run around school and acts like he’s “the shit.” He think every girl wants him and the guys want to be him, when in reality, everyone thinks hes a “fat sow.” When he wants to get out of something he’s done, he says, “…but I play football,” as if it actually means something. He also thinks he’s a good wrestler, but yet I’ve been to most of the matches, he hasn’t won yet.
Grade A Football Player Douchebag.”
Couldn’t agree with you more.
Verdict: Oversized douche nozzle.
we’ve come up with at least seventeen reasons we’d like to punch this dude, and we’ve all only had one beer each.
Paging Dr. Douchebag.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you had been casted in the remake of Star Trek.
Another fun and games email submission that I missed when it was sent in! Luckily I found it.
“I am dating a wonderful guy right now (thank god.) but before mr.right I dated this clown. His name is Dan. When I dated him he cheated on me twice, took advantage of my friend while she was heavily intoxicated, and kept asking my other friends if they would like to ‘hang out’ with him alone. He does little talent shows and open mic nights at his school. He thinks he is an undiscovered talent to some emo band. He straightens his hair, he spends more time in the mirror than me, and whenever he paid for me he complained. Now he is currently dating girls around the age of 13 or 14 and he is almost 18 years old. Oh, and he also sends random girls pictures of himself nude I heard. He thinks he is a upcoming star, I personally think he is a upcoming douche. I am embarrassed to say I used to date him.”
Dating underage girls? Classy. Dating girls so underage it’s literally illegal? Priceless.
Are you suprised? Tiger Woods is a bit of a douchebag.
I can’t say I would have taken the time to write this particular post if his extramarital affairs had been with only one women. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have even done it if it was two. He’s famous, it’s not that farfetched. But come on. He’s leaving a body trail like some kind of golf-prodigy serial killer.
I think that it can all be summed up as such:
Tiger Woods before his wife found out he was sleeping around: 
Aaaaaand, Tiger Woods after his wife found out he was sleeping with every white woman he could get his hands on:
poor poor sad Tiger.
Verdict: Douchebag.
There is only one thing to say.
When the world ends, and the time comes for me to kill someone, any one person.
It will be Chris.
I’m sorry, but you drive a Saab. You also own a shell of a Porsche. That means it doesn’t have an engine. It doesn’t drive. You don’t own a Porsche. You own the body of a Porsche.
Everytime you walk into a room, you don’t need to validate yourself by telling us about how you “drifted around this sick corner and almost hit some other car, but it’s all cool.”
People like you are the reason that someone needs to go to Costco, buy an industrial size bottle of Clorox bleach, and pour it into the gene pool.
I would rather slide down a waterslide covered in razorblades, into a pool of rubbing alcohol, than hear you talk about your car ever again. Or how expensive your (not expensive, you bought it at Kohl’s) suit is. I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. It.
Douchebag.
This submission comes from twitter. And I think he’s absolutely right.
wickedlycool @yourbfisadouche How about posting a photo of Chris Brown on your blog? I cant think of a more deserving douchebag.
You know, he has a point. Here we have Chris Brown. I have to admit, when he first hit the scene and made it big, I liked him. He can sing, he puts out catchy stuff that gets stuck in your head, exactly what you need to make it big. And he was blowing up. And all of that came to a grinding halt when he beat the hell out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna for some text message he got from another girl.
Look, dude. You don’t hit women. Along with hitting kids, and puppies, and other small animals. It’s never okay. Unless she’s got a gun or she’s gonna kill you first, you do not hit a woman.
For that, sir, you are a douchebag.
And you still wear BAPE. Nobody does that anymore.
This comes from an email titled “ASIAN DOUCHE ALERT”. Color me interested.
Inside is this heartfelt description of the douche in question:
“This is my douchebag of an ex boyfriend. he broke up with me for NO REASON after a year of dating and saying he loved me and all this bull shit every day. whatever.. he just turned 18 but he still looks like a fucking 12 year old.”
So that’s pretty douchey, but so is taking pictures of yourself NAKED. Especially when you have the physique of a 12 year old Taiwanese factory worker. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you’re not a dog.
P.S., John Mayer has the whole peace sign thing on lock.
Douche. Bag.
Sometimes the simplest explanations are the best. This two-liner was sent in via email:
“32 year old “DJ” claims he is 25 and worldwide.
Lives upstairs in his fathers house and wears grillz.”I don’t even know where to start with this one. First of all, lying about your age is a tactic reserved for women, and teenagers. Unfortunately, the douchebag in question is neither of those things, so shaving 7 years off of your age to seem more “edgy” is not okay. Neither is wearing grillz. He’s not of the appropriate age (if there even is one) to wear a “grill”, nor is he black, which seems to be a pretty powerful prerequisite as well. But most of all, if you are a “worldwide DJ”, do you really end your wordy travels by going back to your dad’s house? Come on, man.
You’re a douchebag.
Here’s another fun email submission: “I attached a photo of my douchebag ex-boyfriend and his buddies. He fooled around with multiple girls while we were dating. He’s the second one from the left, looking extra douchebaggie with his little mowhawk. I’d love it if you could post this to the site.”
your wish is my command.
